January 1, 2009

A new beginning...

I can't believe it's 2009 already. Honestly, 2008 really stunk in the life department whilst making me realize that I need to change before my whole life passes.

Firstly, a quick recap of 2008:
1. I gained 15 pounds.
2. I developed anxiety.
3. My cat got sick.
4. My apartment flooded.
5. I ran up 2 credit cards for some reason.

And worstly, my cat of 17 years passed away the day after Christmas. Actually, she started to go on Christmas day. I spent all day with her, but I don't think she had much recollection of her surroundings. Then at 3am, I knew it was over, so we had to take her to the emergency vet and put her down. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to experience and I am completely devestated. She was the absolute best cat anyone could ask for and she brought so much joy and happiness to my life. )-:

There was a few good things. One being that I successfully celebrated my one year wedding anniversary last January without killing my husband. We moved to a bigger apartment with more room. I got promoted at work.

Also, 2 days after Chloe died, my husband insisted we get a new kitten. I was very apprehensive and guilt-ridden about it, but reluctantly agreed to get 2 new kittens. So we rescued Max and Sadie, and, I must say, they've really helped fill the void that Chloe left behind. Not a replacement in any way (no one could replace that cat), but they've brought some new feelings and excitment into our lives. They're very cuddly and hyper and love to curl up with you and sleep.

Now onto life in general. Last year was the biggest realization for me that I am doing nothing I want to do with my life. I don't think I really lived a day last year. I use the excuse of being tired and stressed, which in all fairness, I really am. However, I know I'm not the only one and yet, others go on to live successfully. There are so many things I want to do with myself, but I seem to not have the energy or drive to do any of it. I'm cranky, anxious, miserable, stressed, tired, mad or asleep in my spare time.

So, that's when I decided that 2009 was really going to be the year that I need to get myself in gear and change. If I don't, I'm going to be miserable for another year while I watch my life pass me by and I just don't think I can take it.

I made 10 resolutions to accomplish this year. They aren't just 2009 resolutions, but the resolutions I want to accomplish to make the rest of my life better. I know that I will have successes and failures this year, but I need to keep pushing forward and work through it.

Here they are:

1. Take control of my life. This is pretty obvious since I just finished talking about it, but yah. Aside from the things I can't help, which everyone has to deal with, I really just sit around and mope. I need to be better organized and use my time effectively. I seriously don't do anything, but I always feel like I don't have enough time to do anything. Weird and irrational, but true. This also pretty much includes all my other resolutions.

2. Become a healthier person. I feel like the world's unhealthiest person. I am tired all the time and feel really blah. I'm out of shape, don't drink enough water and eat a ton of processed crap. I am interested in the eating clean idea and would like to start getting rid of the processed chemical food in my diet. I want to drink plenty of water and feel great and fresh and full of energy.

3. Lose weight. In 2005, I lost 20 pounds and went down from a size 12 to a size 6. It was great and I felt really good about it. Flash forward to 2008 where I have put on 15 pounds and have cried in the dressing room because my pants are once again a size 12. I want to lose at least 20 to 25 pounds and get down to about 125 which I think would be perfect for me and my small frame. I want to do this to feel better about myself and look better in my clothes. I don't know how long it will take me, but I want to do it the right way with exercise, strength training and eating cleaner foods.

4. Be a better person. This really encompasses all areas of my life. I'd like to be a better person all around, a better wife and a better friend. I want to be nicer about people in general and control my temper. I want to stop nagging my husband, although he will have to work on his problem areas as well. I want to donate to something I believe in and take up some sort of cause. There are certain people I know who just seem so wonderful about everything in life and I aspire to be like that.

5. Feel better about myself. This is kind of a combonation of all of the above. Right now, I'm feeling pretty shitty about everything in my life. I really want to work on all the things I'm unhappy about and change them so I can stop wasting my energy on feeling shitty. When somebody asks me if I truly like myself, I'd like to be able to say: "Yes!" instead of "well, I guess."

6. Become more frugal and pay off debts. I'm wasteful as a person. I don't do it intentionally, but I do it. I replace items unnecessarily and don't use every last drop of toiletries before I replace them. I waste money on things that don't contribute anything my life like eating food out because I don't feel like cooking and other stupid things all the time. By the end of the month, we don't have anything in savings and we don't get ahead. Sure, I make sure all our bills are paid on time (thank goodness for my dedication to that) but the rest of the money that is left over goes to nothing but those aforementioned stupid things. This year, I'd like to keep better track of my finances, get money into savings and pay off as much of my 3 credit cards as possible.

7. Expand my cooking world. I'm not a bad cook, but I'm a lazy cook. I want to really explore new recipes and make a lot of the convience food that I've been craming into my mouth from scratch so that it's healthier and more enjoyable. I used to love to cook, but it tapered off. I really want to regain that love, try some new foods and have fun with it.

8. Explore my creative side. I have so many things I want to try, but of course, I'm one of those people who think I can't do anything creative at all because I'm not talented. I realized I've never really tried to do anything, and, I might stink at first, but who knows, I might also really develop a creative outlet for myself. One thing I know I'm decent at is writing ficiton, which I really really wanted to do last year, but couldn't get motivated. This year I'd like to finish my first draft of the story I've been building in my head all of 2008. I also want to work on developing my photography skills since I got a fancy new camera. I also want to try my hand at painting and scrapbooking and expand my knowledge of crochet.

9. Go Green. At first when the whole Green thing started up, I didn't really pay attention. However, I've become really interested in it lately for a number of reasons. Number one is that I'm starting to look at all the chemicals in everything I use, put on my body, eat, etc and it's scary! Number two, I already mentioned, I'm very wasteful. I generate a lot of trash and I'm too lazy to recycle. My goal for this year is to start up on recycling, generate less trash, reuse, and use friendlier products. This includes cleaning products, which I'm very interested in homemade rather than store-bought chemicals.

10. Add some style to my life. I've always felt pretty blah about myself, but there was a time in the past that I would attempt to wear makeup and such. Now, I just exist. My goal in the morning is not to look good, but rather just decent. I have the same clothes since high school and would like to dress nicer in my personal life and more professionally at work. I want to regain the ability to wear some makeup and fix my hair. I want to take pride in my appearance. I also want to add some style to my surroundings. My apartment could really use some putting together.

So that's all the things that are wrong with me and that's all the the things I want to change. I started this blog so I have some place to keep me on track and a bit accountable-and also a place to share what I'm learning about life and myself.

Wish me luck!


  1. Hiya!!

    Oh man, I hear you so much about everything you've mentioned here. I want to lose around 30lbs this year (want, and need to, actually), and I'm striving to get a little more stylish so I can feel happy with my appearance. I've subscribed to Vogue for years, but in spite of staying up on what people are wearing, I'm still wearing the same clothes I've been wearing for the past twelve years!! I just did some clearance shopping at Target, though, and bought a few nice new pieces for cheap that I'm looking forward to wearing. I also managed to depress myself with the fact that most of the cute clothes left are in the itty bitty sizes that I don't think even one of my arms could fit into.

    This year, man. This. Year.

    I'm going to dedicate myself to new lifestyle choices in the foods I eat, cut out sugars, trim down, budget my time better, the works.

    *hugs tightly*

    I'm going to head off and take my first shower of the year now. I will possibly wash my hair.

    I still can't believe it's 2009!!!! Didn't we just usher in 2000??

  2. My problem with clothes is that they never fit right. Even pants. Because when I gain, I gain the pear shape, so it's hard to wear cute clothes without looking dumb. /-: No mas!

    You should check out The Clean-Eating Diet by Tosca Reno. It's all pretty much common sense if you want to cut the junk, but it's pretty motivating.

    We can do this together!

    PS...I totally washed my hair the other day and it felt good.

  3. I think we should open a book blog together. Communication always help people getting into a better mood.

    Love you.


  4. I love your template. This is a good starter for a new life. I know you can do it. Let me think about my accomplishment over the past year, and my new resolutions for this coming year.